Navigating Co-Parenting Boundaries: Balancing Past Relationships and Current Partnerships

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Is the relationship that I’m trying to create with my 1st baby daddy disrespectful to my partner?  
I was with my 1st bd for 9 years. we have a 7 & 5 yr old together. Our relationship was very toxic and ended terribly so I have no interest or intention on getting back together. He’s been inconsistent in the children’s life for the past 2 years and we recently reconnected. We had a heartfelt conversation apologized for each of our actions and decided to work towards a healthy co parent relationship. We’ve had a few short conversations outside of the necessities for the kids * I’ll add pictures for examples* and while I don’t see a big deal about my partner does. he even went and texted my 1st bd not to text my phone unless it’s strictly about the children. I went behind him and told my 1st bd that it’s okay to speak to me, my partner isn’t in the position to decide who I can and cannot speak to *he recently cheated and it’s known outside of the relationship* that I will talk to my partner. My partner saw this and threatened my bd. 1st bd texted me again apologizing and I apologized as well for his behavior and told him that my intentions are strictly to create a welcoming environment for our kids since they spent the beginning years of their life seeing us physically fight and argue growing up. 
I ended up packing my things to stay over at my moms until I decide if it’s worth it to go back home and work things out due to his behavior. 
• I don’t have any intentions on having anything outside of co parenting with my 1st bd, and I don’t see the conversation we had to be flirtatious or disrespectful.
• I was wrong for going behind his back and texting him saying my partner is overreacting
• I just want my kids to see that mommy and daddy can get along. And that we outgrew the ”abusive” stage of our relationship and are working towards being better for them
• I don’t condone my partner behavior. I understand proving a point but a point doesn’t need to be made if that isn’t my intention and I’ve made that known. I’m a very gentle person and I try to avoid violence as much as I can but that isn’t the way to go about things and I know he isn’t going to apologize for acting like that
• his behavior is really making me not want to continue our relationship. I can already see him telling other people that I broke up with him because I wanted my 1st bd when that isn’t even the case 
• we are from two different cultures. I believe that co parents should be able to get along, celebrate birthdays and family holidays together. 
He believes it should be completely Separate and communication should strictly be about the kids 
• if light communication outside of our children is wrong or comes off as disrespectful when your in a relationship please let me know.

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